I’ve been trying to understand where we (as in way too many of us) developed the behavior of believing our insecurities and struggles should be buried instead of confronted. I know that what leads us there is different for everyone, yet somehow we settle into a common behavior – we hide. We bury. We choose to maintain a hidden identity & are fooled into thinking we can thrive there. Let me tell you about the day I realized I was operating that way – I woke up at 3:30am convinced I was having a heart attack. I couldn’t catch my breath, I was sweating profusely, my heart was acting like that tiny silver ball in a pin ball machine & I was paralyzed by fear. I sat up in my dark room while my husband slept peacefully by my side & I started talking to the Lord & asking Him, pleading with Him to help me and in a moment I heard His still, small voice say 2 words to me – anxiety attack.
For me that was the moment I realized I had settled a behavior that was crippling me. For years I thought that I was capable of living my life unscathed even though so many real, deep, painful circumstances were lying in wait because I never asked for help. And honestly, no one asked me either. I felt isolated and broken but in that moment, when I had a name for what was happening, I understood that I had a choice. I could live there & stay in my brokenness because sharing it meant I was weak, it meant I had to share the pain I had been protecting for so long and that was a scary thought. Isn’t that amazing?! I chose to protect the very thing that was ruining my life because I had shame – God is NOT a God of shame.
The very next morning I called someone for help and I never looked back! That doesn’t mean I didn’t still struggle, I had to fight hard to find freedom. Guys, the people around us need us! They need us to be present & aware, not selfish. Not consumed with social media or disconnected – our friends and our family members are fighting battles of their own and they shouldn’t have to fight them alone! God is GOOD, He brings light into dark areas and helps us pull up the roots of our issues and behaviors so that new life can grow!
Be aware of your people and love them well!
Instagram filter used: Clarendon
Photo taken at: Grand Rapids, Michigan